Lonely once again

I have nobody to call today and nobody will call me. I am depressed but not as low as I could be. I am trying to stay busy and will soon be happy. Happy, whatever that means.

Funny party

I found this clip and thought it was so funny.

View this clip on Vimeo

A Child's War

I created this because I was bored. Damn I need a life.



View this clip on Vimeo

The plight of writing, drinking, and living with your parents

Due to my unfortunate circumstances in the past 6 months, I am staying at my parents home in the country. I have never lived this far from the city and its an adjustment that takes a long time. At first I can't take my mind off of the choices I recently made, but I feel I have to overcome this situation at a record pace. I have been single for the past 4 months, and I have a feeling it will be that way for a short while. The anticapation of meeting someone soon, excites me. I have been drinking - which means that I have beed drinking by myself. This is not a good sign, therefore I will stay away from the glass for a while. I dont have a job and soon i will walk out to find one. I don't know what to do with my life. Maybe I will take a plane to europe and see the sights. Backpack though Frances country side, stopping at winerys and making the locals laugh at my English. What would it take for me to stop by a small town in the midwest, seeking the things I lack here in California? It might be hard to find something I lack when I am not sure what it is that I lack.

breaking free from the constrains of social sanctions

I am always acting and particapating in the confines of my mind. From the time I was capable of inteligent thought, I confused myself into a juxtaposition far from my peers. 24 years old-- you should have done this, or you shouldnt have done that, all the while trying my hardest to maintain self-trust. I want answers or guidance in this process that encapsulates us all. The process that we all must answer for, consciously or unconsciously, with foresight or hindsight to further misunderstanding. Inconclusive choices are inevitable and move us closer to destruction. From here on, I must give absolution to nobody-- for it is I who answer to only one.

Drip is a sound, but to me its the light under my bed at night

Its not the same as yesterday, a choice made today is a choice learned from here on as life. I want to sometimes play the victim, say to my adversarys that it is not my fault. No longer will I spew my rhetoric of injustice to get my way. Time to stand up, its not fair either way.


I took her hand one night, and she cried.
The next night we danced and for once I wiped her tear.
The next night she left me...
Its been lonely and I have learned to love myself.
Now I am here without her and my life will never be the same.
I owe to her what nobody could have done for me.
I learned that I love my self more then I loved her.

what a fun day...

First off, my roomate came home and siad I had to be out by tuesday. Whish would have been fine, but just the other day we had an agreement that I could stay until christmas. It seems that in my life lately, there has only been unpositive, unrightous, self serving people giving me the shaft. Then on my way to get ciggerates, these teenages in a car next to me was making fun of me. I am not sure why they were doing that. It makes me feel a little better about moving back east. When I moved to pleasanton, I thought I would find a nice girl. What I found instead was bitches that were more stuck up then my ex. Here is to my new life *holds up beer and cheers to himself*

Hmmm... what time is it?

I called work at 6:00am this morning jsut to findout there is no work. This is frustrating because I dont even have money for food. Once again this is nobodys fault but my own. I wish the rain would go away... even haveing a ciggerate on the porch is becomeing depressing. My parents aer buying my ticket to Virginia. I leave on the 7th of January. I still havent found a place to live, the housing director said there might be something for me. I also found out with my federal loans and grants pay for only my tution. Anybody that has gone to school knows that there is more things to pay for then tution alone.