Quite night far from the city lights

Last Saturday night I went on a great date. I really liked the girl and that scares me. It scares me because I fear she won't ever want to see me again. In the morning I am going to work... doing hard labor. I am more lonely then ever and I hate where I am. A dream I had the other night was a little too much for me. I was in water trying to drown myself. There was so much peace as the water entered my lungs. I do not want to end my life, so why is it that the dream had so much to offer? I don't believe in myself enough... i lose faith and hope everyday only to gain it when it is too late.